Through the magic of the texting devices, that have apparently turned 21, although I think I’ve only been texting for about 5-6 years, the word, “Cocknado,” has come across my radar.
From my niece, who isn’t my niece, but, she’s still my niece. Her name is, “Fifi,” but that’s not her name, either. Heh.
This, of course, came about because my BFF, Sapphire, forwarded me a text message from an “oh-so-clever” man who wants to get in her pants and who said something about not sucking, but licking.
Which, dear readers, I have heard a meeeeeeelion times over the years. MEEEEEEEELION.
Not because I talk dirty. Not because I send photos of my girly bits to random strangers. Not because I even invite people to sexually harass me through electronic means. At least not in my opinion. In fact, I would imagine that right now, were I to jump on to any public site that has any inkling of dating, hooking up or male-female interaction beyond Facebook, I would be told these truths about each and every man alive:
1. Lesbians are hot.
2. That man is the best performer of oral sex ever, and that’s all he ever wants to do.
3. He has a big penis OR he is so skilled in masking a small penis, it won’t matter.
Then, I’d get proof. The cocknado. Just because I’m in the process of existing.
Or, by not telling them to fuck off at first message… or something…. something primal, something that has no label. Something that encourages the cocknado to fly in my face, without asking, because we all know the way to a girl’s vagina is with a bathroom photo of an erect penis. Extra points for the water bottle next to it as a size reference.
The funny thing is, this past summer whilst discussing men and relationships with Sapphire on her front porch, she revealed to me that she’s not gotten penis pictures from men.
I don’t really understand. Its like online street harassment, how is this not possible? Sapphire is beautiful. She is smart. She is flirty. How am I always fending off the cocknado while she has never experienced being virtually slapped with a dozen penises via computer or smartphone? Why is this my life??
My mind was boggled after this, and then, today, she sent me the screen cap of this man’s “licking” comment, to which I almost replied something that was totally funny, witty and maybe slightly off-color that would have elicited (I know now) a penis photo.
And Sapphire is like, “you weren’t just going to LOL like I did?”