Several years ago, I met my best friend: the Internet. She introduced me to people and places I would have never met, opened my mind and allowed me to see beyond myself and into the worlds of others. At first, she showed me it was fun to pretend to be a vampire and that IRC was an amazing social venture where one did not have to be dressed. Um, wait, I mean dressed in anything other than pajamas. I got plenty of penis pictures during that time, effortlessly.

Lesson #1 -- Everyone on the Internet is beautiful.

Lesson #2 -- Don’t blindly open photos sent to you because in reality, the photo will be of a dick.

After our vampire adventures ended, she showed me that I could create my own web worlds complete with photos and text. I began my travels into web design with an art collection of nude women. It was great and it led me into a new career of web design.

Lesson #3 -- If you show your boss your online collage of nudies, he will think you’re cool as shit.

Lesson #4 -- If your real life BFF starts working on a website for you, remember that it will get you fired if she’s caught working on it while you are both “on the clock,” especially if the disgruntled employee that you got fired mentions it to the Big Bosses.

The Internet found me a job with a B&B. We loved this job, but the boss there was very “Devil Wears Prada” and eventually, the beautiful decor of the house weren’t enough to keep us happy. Fortunately, the Internet was slick enough to secure us a part-time gig with this same lady, but working from home on her website. It was a great compromise.

Lesson #5 -- Working from home, at first, and especially when pregnant, will turn you into a very lazy person.

Lesson #6 -- One day, you will look back fondly on the last “real job” you ever had and almost wish you had it back, even if it made you nutso at the time.

After having another baby, my family and the Internet and I all moved to hell. No, wait, it was just hot as hell there. The Internet and I tried very hard to work from home, as it became a big soapbox of mine that women could not only raise their kids AND work. We found a group of women who felt the same way and tried to start up an organization. We lost momentum, however, and eventually we all stopped working on working together, and just started working.

It was then that we tried to do some online nudie pics again, because 5 years prior, we were cool for doing that. It wasn’t as cool this time, in fact, it was a lot of work. We really should have looked at some sort of forum software (cue the foreshadowing music).

Lesson #7 -- Working from home is great when you have clients. Clients are hard to come by if you’re not a natural salesperson. This is a vicious cycle that will only enable you to hang out at the pool all day and raise ducks on your patio.

Lesson #8 -- Nude beaches are cool as shit.

We (the family) and we (the Internet and I) all moved north, because we wanted snow. Well, the Internet could care less about snow, but she was coming, too, whether she wanted to or not. Once again, determined to make this “work from home” thing, well, work, I started into online consignment. Fail. Then I tried selling jewelry and tie dye… and then WHAM! I got pregnant, again… with twins.

Lesson #9 -- Be careful what you wish for.

Lesson #10 -- 4 months of bedrest will do very strange things to your mind and body and you will really only have the Internet to get you through those months.

HELLO FORUMS! IT IS SO NICE TO MEET YOU!

Maybe its because I never really had a large group of female friends. Maybe its because I was on bedrest, dealing with 2 other kids and I was completely overwhelmed with being a mother, wife, friend, human and not a robot… or maybe its because I was about to embark on a most fascinating and frustrating journey, but I did it. I started up a forum for natural parenting, spirituality and all Hippy pursuits. It was a technical challenge, it was a personal challenge. I let my BFF (The Internet) introduce me to a world of women with problems I’d never heard of, issues I had dealt with, and more laughter and tears than I ever thought possible.

I had found my calling -- women.

Lesson #11 -- You will need years to establish yourself as a sane person in the sea of women you encounter. It doesn’t matter what happens, everyone will think you are insane at one point or another. Just go with it.

Lesson #12 -- You can definitely sell your services as an “online community manager, ” but people won’t necessarily see that as an employable enterprise. Keep the faith, baby, you got mad admin skillz.

Now, I’m here, in school for Women’s Studies and learning what makes half of the world tick. I’m still running 2 forums, and consulting on 2 others because that’s what the Internet and I do -- we enable people to get together and share their lives. Its a great job, with very little pay, and worth almost every moment.

So, yes, I am a total geek. I love YouTube and I think that purple hair is really hot. I watch the same movies over and over again. I’m HUGE into women’s spirituality and eventually I plan to overthrow all of the patriarchal religions and replace them with a kinder, gentler vision of the way the world works. I try to respect the earth, I don’t eat meat and I love politics, Rock Band, Guitar Hero… and the Internet.