Monthly Archives: January 2013

Jan27

My Gods and Goddesses and Universe and Teddy Bears… it Just Does Not Stop!

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My Gods and Goddesses and Universe and Teddy Bears… it Just Does Not Stop!

Last weekend was a bust. I’ll just put it that way. Rest and reflection are good things, I suppose, but, meh.

Then came a Monday full of point and click work.

And, a Tuesday of point and click and typing and more work.

Then, it was Wednesday, and I met with a client and had lunch with an old friend. That was a good day :)

On Thursday, I found out my grandmother was in the hospital for a heart issue. Heart failure. Emergency pacemaker. 1000 miles away.

Panic. Tears. Cringe. Repeat.

Grandma is ok, now, but, she’s old and the writing is on the wall. The doctor threatened us all that she’ll live to be 100. Yikes.

Friday was a big day for a meeting that lasted most of the day until the kids’ early dismissal. I was terrified to go to this meeting because the party van is acting like, well, my grandmother was. Made it through the meeting, somewhat less confused about the role I’m playing in that organization, picked up the kids and chilled for about an hour.

Then, I had to take the stepdog to the vet, where I was certain this was the day she was being put to sleep. I wussed out. Two more weeks. Sigh.

All sorts of new e-mails hit my box from the newest client, and I am just worn the fuck down.

Saturday, I take my car in. Hoping for a $300 fix. Its $1,200. I don’t have $1,200. Superman was instrumental in getting that cost down from what could have likely been $2,000. I’m kind of sad that the whole woman/car thing happens, but, I’m also pretty grateful that he had my back on that.

For all intents and purposes, if things weren’t so wonky with the relationship, it was a stellar day. Out of nowhere, really, all of this good stuff just kept happening. Makes me more confused than ever. Relationships suck.

This morning, I woke up and asked for an update on the car. I need my car by tomorrow morning, or nobody is going to school and life as we know it will cease to exist. Superman and the Dynamic Duo have a big Scouts event this evening, so, getting my car back before that seemed really important. No ETA on the car. I get up and go shower.

I come back to a series of messages about my car, saying basically that the mechanic working on my car DIED in an accident on the way to work (to finish my car) so there would be a delay.

Ummmm. Fuck. I even kill them when I don’t KNOW them. Should I send flowers? Do I need to rent a car? WTF? Does he have a family?

Let’s recap: grandmother almost dies, StepDog almost dies, MECHANIC DEAD?

In disbelief, I continue to read chat messages, when finally…

Superman:  I cant do it
its too mean
he was in an accident
but he did not die
he is just going to be late
i was going to let you think that
all the way up to you picking up the car
knowing you would say something
and just bust out laughing
me:  you’re an asshole
Superman:  but i love you too much
god dammit
me:  ASSSSSSHOLE
Superman:  that was fucking genius
and my love for you ruined it
me:  that’s fine, my love for you will just slowly eat away at your will to live
painfully
Superman:  lmmfao
i am crying over here
me:  you are so dead
Superman:  melia
me:  every meal, every bottle of pepsi I get you…
Then, he CALLS me so I can hear him laugh and giggle. CALLS ME. At one point he says, “at least you’re never bored around me.”
If he would just use his power for good and not for fucking with me, I’d totally put his name on my Cast of Characters. But, he steals my lighters (my vagina lighter… sigh…) and does his best kindergarten imitation of a boy with a crush. Tells me to stop panicking over everything, drives me nuts, is totally, 100% insane, creates a world of problems for me… and just doesn’t give up on me (even though I’m perfect, yo). Too bad he’s only a friend :)
Here’s to a better week full of undead, um, no… full of life and living and the “L” word – that’s right, Lesbians.
Jan17

Happy New Year?

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Happy New Year?

Fingers crossed, this is really the new beginning.

As much as I would love to make this joint my priority, reality is kind of a bitch. There are days I blog in my brain, there are days when I blog for others (who pay me), and there are days when I just shake my fists in the air and hope for something a lot more fabulous to blog about.

Meet Melia 2013… a divorced (officially, without my signature) mom of 4 children, living in Stepford, starting over, once again.

Evidently, my divorce was final on Monday, after 11 years of marriage and two years of separation. The divorce went through even though there was some weirdness that I didn’t expect as a pro se kinda gal, but, I trust that the Universe knows what it’s doing. As I texted my sister, I’ve been single since Monday, and haven’t remarried, yet. That’s a score for me!

I picked out carpet today, after 2.5 months of living without a living room, carpet or walls in that room and The Twitches’ room. My house, as it is, will be whole again, soon. Next, I attempt paint. Once I am paid back all I am owed by Martian (the sticking point on me not technically signing off on the divorce), I am hoping to assume the mortgage, at a lower rate, giving all of my kids the ability to stay within the same schools they’ve all known for six years.

All except Comic Boy.

Comic Boy, sadly, has kind of bombed his first semester of ninth grade. As such, and likely with the stigma of being a child of a single mother, he has been accepted into a special program for freshmen who, well, will be freshmen again if they don’t get their shit together. We found out today, after a little begging on my part, that he was accepted and starts Tuesday.

But, if he used this opportunity to turn  things around, he will graduate on time, with his friends, and be able to function as a pretty reasonable, if not damaged adult. Kind of like the rest of us. I can’t tell you the flashbacks to that perfect baby I have seen, that gorgeous little boy who was nothing but love… and who has been ditched over, and over again by those who said they loved him.

I can only hope, at this point, that he takes those lessons and becomes the amazing man I know he is.

Work, as always, is work. Its hard, its time-consuming, but, somewhere deep down, I know this is the path I should be on. After some discussion today, maybe I understand that path a little more.

Superman… well… this is one of those weekends where we don’t have little kids, where everything is wonderful and relaxed and full of work, sex and fun. I used to live for these weekends, now, I’m coaching myself to see them for what they are – whatever that really is. I don’t even really know how to describe things anymore, except that he is, at least, a dear friend who means a lot to me. The writing is pretty much on the wall in terms of a co-habitating future (thanks for asking) and I’m actually pretty ok with that. I have my own path to walk. Partnering on such a level is probably the worst mistake I could make at this point.

Aside from all of that… there is this one nagging thought I’ve been having. I’m a writer, I get paid to write. I am good at writing. I love to write. There is honestly little I think about when it comes to what I want to do with my life aside from writing. But, at the same time, my writing has become a genre that is entirely misunderstood in the creative, literary world. I once had dreams of authorship, not just “writing” (don’t flame me!), and more and more, I can taste that passion again. That unmistakable feeling of creating a sentence that speaks to countless people in countless ways. That ability to turn a mundane experience into a memory that rewrites all the good or bad in a person’s life.

The writing I miss is that writing from the soul. Not that I don’t love what I do, but I want to LOVE what I do… at some point. Its a matter of time, effort and motivation that I don’t quite have, just yet… but, I feel it stir, and it’s there, and I hope that maybe, someday, that Great American Novel in me will finally get a chance to shine.

Even if y’all don’t buy it, yo.

:)