Draft surfing (42 drafts? Jeebus!) brought me this 2 year old unpublished gem. This was either right before some shitty things went down with Martian, or right after. Its probably when I really did start taking care of myself over his needs, and not out of anger, but self-preservation.  I was also in the throes of the last semester of my Women’s Studies degree; the best and most useless degree I’ve ever known.

The empowerment of knowing why you aren’t happy can make huge changes in your perception.

It was like a flash of lightning for me, the realization that I could make changes in my life to make me happy.  but also, to find out exactly how I ended up feeling lost or stuck inside of this family I had, literally, created around me. There was a huge part of me that was ready to just throw it all away, to give up, and to start over again. I’m sure you’ve all had those same thoughts, that this life isn’t living up to its hype. It doesn’t live up to the promised fairy tale, and no matter how much we try to pretend we don’t buy into it… how can we not expect Prince or Princess Charming to come and sweep us off of our feet and make our boo-boos all better? The fact is, though, that Prince or Princess Charming is waiting for the very same thing. They may be up on a horse, but they don’t have their shit together anymore than you do. Yet, when we’re alone or in the throes of a bad fight, we think, “maybe someday…”

Someday, your Prince/ss may come, but I can guarantee she or he will never be as good to you as you can be to yourself.

This mold of “Super Mom” or whatever you want to call it this week is based in sociology, anthropology, history and religion. You want to free yourself from the role, start digging. Find out why you are in the situation you are in, why you decided to marry someone, and where your household roles came from.

I can’t really explain the significance of this right now, because I’m busy living the dream and being good to myself, waiting for a conference call and cringing at the piles of dishes in my kitchen that I can hear mocking me. Its pretty effin’ significant, though.  My feminist studies, while sadly on the back burner now, did save my life. I think the next question is, will that continue to be a factor as I tie up my loose ends and go on with my bad self.

P.S. I really miss being all up in the feminist and political world.