Monthly Archives: February 2011

Feb23

Giant, Inflatable Tacos

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Giant, Inflatable Tacos

So, up in the “Melia’s Lessons” link, there is a brief history of the last decade of my life that is pretty much the basis for every complaint and joy I have today.

Lesson #11 – You will need years to establish yourself as a sane person in the sea of women you encounter. It doesn’t matter what happens, everyone will think you are insane at one point or another. Just go with it.

Lesson #12 – You can definitely sell your services as an “online community manager, ” but people won’t necessarily see that as an employable enterprise. Keep the faith, baby, you got mad admin skillz.

I wrote those over a year ago, maybe two, when I started blogging as a way to really mark the milestones I encountered. Both still hold true, both are still very hard to take. As a community manager for very intimate populations of women and men, I have been called just about every name in the book (and probably a few that aren’t written down). From hero to whore, crazy bitch, asshole, cunt (and a cunTROLLer, heh) … you name it. Some of those names were from my close friends, even, some from strangers, the rest from those who reside somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.

What does this have to do with giant, inflatable tacos? Read the rest of this entry →

Feb21

Remember When

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Remember When

… there was nothing to do all day but play online, play with the kids, and play at cooking and cleaning?

I do. Kind of fondly, and while that decade has obviously gone and left me in a frenzied panic today, I can remember how frustrating it was, as well. The grass is surely greener, right? Meh.

I had a weird weekend. Not outwardly weird, except for maybe the dining experience that took 3 years to procure soup, chili and various fried appetizers, or the two trips to the mall. Just weird, for me. Somehow, I had a full day off on Saturday, and that has never happened, or not in a while. That’s not really weird, though, just noteworthy. My weekend, though, was a taste of normalcy, which is weird… for me.  Errands, a fabulous Saturday night including a movie at a friend’s house, cleaning… smudging. You know, the normal stuff. No drama, no nothing. It was kinda of awesome in the sense that nothing horrible happened.

Its those parts of life that I embrace, where I don’t have to panic about what others are doing, where I can just let go of my need to control everything around me and live in this life that, while not perfect, holds a lot of happiness now, and a huge amount of joy in the future. I am happier than I have been in a long time, and that the choices I have made, while not exactly the most conducive to a stress-free existence, are my choices, and there is a lot of freedom in that. I will not dwell on the negative, dammit.

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Feb14

That Sucked.

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That Sucked.

The Grammy’s, that is. Wow, puddle of suck. Meh.

My weekend wasn’t much better, by the way. From online dramatics that are still reverberating in my brain to sheer exhaustion and Valentine’s day prep, and other changing dynamics, this weekend was a roller coaster. The Grammy’s were just a cherry on top of that cake that none of us ate on Saturday.

I think I need to get away. I have a constant stream of stuff to do for work, at home, and something has to give, so I gave it a lot of thought over the past few days. I can’t exactly pick up and run for a weekend right now (and, really, a weekend wouldn’t be enough), but I can eliminate my #2 cause of stress (which, ironically, was my #1 way to relieve stress) and move on.  I can focus not on the lives of everyone else, but on my own, where I should focus, and let the rest of the people just do their thing… then I don’t get the blame when they fuck it up, and I don’t have to sacrifice my self, my family for their needs.

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Feb8

Decisions, Decisions

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Decisions, Decisions

Each day that I work, which seems to be at least every day, not counting mom and chore duties, I am faced with this hour-long period of complete and utter exhaustion.

This is when I ask, “do I push through, take a B-12 or grab coffee, or do I hit a 30-minute power nap?”

If only all of life’s decisions were this messy, I know, and there are a million other issues that I could lend my voice to… but, today, it really is the issue of the midday nap.

I’m lucky, I work from home. I don’t have to get dressed if I don’t want to, I have a very flexible schedule and I love about half of what I do. I count my blessings, and ignore the dark side of WAH’ing, and then I’m hit with this desire to turn off for about an hour. People who work outside the home have this same issue. People who stay at home with kids have the same issue. My issue is that I am tired, and if I take a nap, I’m clearly failing in my role as a Work-at-home, freelance Internet consultant. I have blogs to write, sites to tweak and links to Tweet. I have clients to contact, gigs to prospect and valentine’s mailboxes to help construct, along with a newsletter or two. My floor needs to be vacuumed, there’s a sitemap to generate and a bunch of meta data to analyze. Plus, really, I hate to feel like I’m wasting time on silly things like sleep.

I’m not overwhelmed, my ADD appreciates the variety, actually, and my Virgo is able to put it into some sort of plan and it all gets done in time. I just want a nap, but I want to hang out and bust through some articles and maybe think about reiki or belly dancing again, or baking cupcakes with my kiddos. I want coffee brought to me on a silver platter and a foot rub and, and, and…

I want it all, and a nap.