So, I will just look at you like this…
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWYVnrmhDxQ&feature=grec_browse
You’ve all been warned.
Aug30
Monthly Archives: August 2010
Aug29
How Much is Too Much?
When I was around eight, after my Dad left me again or after a suspicious family reunion in which my now-deceased, convicted child molester uncle may have played a role in some fuzzy memory I’ve not yet addressed, I got fat.
I hate saying that, but its true. I went from being the smallest girl in my class (height & weight) to a shockingly overweight version of that former child. I thought for years that my ballooning was hormonal, but when I really look at things, I was not built to carry around that weight, not without some sort of emotional eating involvement.
At that time, I remember not wanting to go swimming with some of the other kids from my apartment complex because I had gotten fat, and at nine, that’s a curse. I was told that if I just didn’t eat so much, I would be beautiful. Then there were jokes about the “seconds” I would take at dinner time (yet, I was punished for not cleaning my plate). Gaah. Food and I have just not had a great relationship over the years.
Prior to my tween-splosion, I can recall being very, very hungry. Fruit punch on raisin bran hungry. That was during the Chicago years when my sexual abuse started, my mother and step-father were using and dealing drugs, and I was left to my own devices at age three. I used to hoard food, or sneak around and eat. One of the first things I did when I got my driver’s license was drive through somewhere and order food; I was so happy to have that control.
Again, food and I were not friends, and perhaps even with the overeating, it was a reaction to my former starvation. I don’t know.
Aug27
I Don’t Know What My Grandmother Said…
…but it could have been shit.
I love her, don’t get me wrong, but I cringe when she calls.
A. L. O. T.
So, today, I bit the bullet and answered the phone. I may have hesitated, I may have thought of 200 reasons not to push that little button, but out of family obligation, I did it. So, here’s a transcript of the 30:33 phone call.
GM: “Well, you ARE alive!”
Me: Kinda, yeah. *Insert lame apology for not calling*
GM: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blah.
Me: Uh huh. Really? Wow. *Insert appropriate laughter when she cackles*
GM: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blah.
The thing is, that’s our normal conversation, but at about 20 minutes into the call, there was a bizarre screechy noise on the phone and suddenly… Grandma became a cyborg.
GM: Blah gzip hagisadfgoy agsaoiusfjhfg blah. Ysfytantnsooagy. Fitigusyh. apoeuroaewrkajn s;fjsagypofdguoasfnas fa;gajas; jfgoasfuasyiu asnsglajgasugoia ys asjhdfgasygi sagasdn. Blah gzip hagisadfgoy agsaoiusfjhfg blah. Ysfytantnsooagy. Fitigusyh. apoeuroaewrkajn s;fjsagypofdguoasfnas fa;gajas; jfgoasfuasyiu asnsglajgasugoia ys asjhdfgasygi sagasdn. Blah gzip hagisadfgoy agsaoiusfjhfg blah. Ysfytantnsooagy. Fitigusyh. apoeuroaewrkajn s;fjsagypofdguoasfnas fa;gajas; jfgoasfuasyiu asnsglajgasugoia ys asjhdfgasygi sagasdn. Blah gzip hagisadfgoy agsaoiusfjhfg blah. Ysfytantnsooagy. Fitigusyh. apoeuroaewrkajn s;fjsagypofdguoasfnas fa;gajas; jfgoasfuasyiu asnsglajgasugoia ys asjhdfgasygi sagasdn.
I’m sure you get the point. 10 minutes of cyborg Grandma, during which I still did the “uh huhs” and tried not to laugh at the fact that she was currently a robot in disguise.
Some day, I’m going to really regret this, but until then…Guzippt.
Aug25
Bizarro World, Revisited
I’ve not had anything really, really weird happen to me in quite a few months. I remember somewhat enjoying the thought that as soon as I stepped out my door, Bizarro World was awaiting me.
So, then it stopped and I was smack in the middle of THE REALITY OF MELIALAND – which has sucked, but that’s ok, because its getting better each day.
I digress.
I also love the word, “digress.” Unless I type it a lot, because then it just starts to look weird, kind of like the word, “awkward,” except that “awkward” only takes one time to type before it looks, uh, awkward.
In my past, there are dozens of relationships that have crumbled and fallen into the vast chasm I like to call, “the ex files.” I’ve been thrice married (I like “thrice,” too) and honestly, my choices have really been pretty lousy. From vampire fangs to the pathological liar to a plain old redneck that I’m embarrassed to even admit was ever in my pants, I have very few exes who I could now call a friend. Its me, its them, its life, blah. There IS a point to this, I promise.
Aug23
It Must Be Monday
…because upon waking and surveying the Melia kingdom of websites, I saw that I was called a bleeding-heart female…
…for not allowing members of a site to call for the deaths of Muslims…
…because it infringed on these members’ right to Freedom of Speech.
I love politics. I love debating. I love being a part, even a small part, of creating and supporting change. I DO NOT LIKE BIGOTS AND ASSHOLES.
Especially on Monday mornings.
For the record, I fully support Freedom of Speech, unless it infringes on my ability to feed my kids.
Ahem.
Its Monday. The weekend is over, and I’m hoping that someday soon, weekends will be fun again. I think I’m over summer vacation, I’m over weird household dynamics and I’m especially over John Mayer. That’s another story, though.
So, speaking of this weekend, we did a fun experiment on the kids based on the fact that I am done fighting with them to get them to do things, play nicely, share, not tattle, etc. There was no TV for three days. No video games, no computer… the rule was “no screens.” The Twitches pretty much rolled with the punches on it, Talker had mood swings the entire time and Enigma just kept talking about robots. In those three days, I watched the kids do more things with each other than I have seen in a long time. They played… together. I forgot that siblings can do that. In the past few years, with school and work obligations and my own obsession with screens (well, my laptop), the TV really became a babysitter. Hell, I had to do something so I get my own shit done, but it still wasn’t right. Much like the food issues we’ve encountered, the TV habit has to be broken. My TV habit, the one where I let them run amok, electronically.
Freedom pointed out that at one point, he gave one of the Twitches a snack, and she sat in front of the (turned off) TV and stared at it while eating her snack.
Fuck.
This shit is so wrong. So, so very wrong. For now, they are on a limited TV schedule and once school starts, it will be even less. I do wonder, with the Twitches, how much of their speech delay is because of the electronic babysitter. Mommy guilt sucks.
Oh, and a client dicked me over, hard. Fucker.
ON A HAPPY NOTE -
Well, I’ll come back to that. It can’t rain all the time.
This goes out to Sapphire… because she sucks.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvWInFdU0xE