I know what you’re all thinking, that the video evidence of a very drinky night has finally surfaced, and Melia is going to be more than Internet Famous now. You’re over on YouTube typing obscure phrases like, “Melia Lore sucks a mustard bottle,” or “where did Melia put that burrito?”
Pervs.
Why did both of those involve food?
Ahem.
No, I’m here to talk about sex tape. That not-yet-invented (in my head, at least) product that will make your sex life more interesting, even if your sex life consists of you and a battery operated friend, conveniently named (yes) BOB.
Uses for Melia’s Sex Tape:
- Hoist those boobs to new heights!
- Cover up areas that you do not want penetrated.
- Bondage, duh.
- Mildly painful nipple play (note to self: add different adhesive strengths).
- Strap a wallet, batteries, lube, cuffs, feathers or snacks to your body (thanks, Scarly!)
- Cover up tattoos of ex-lover’s names.
- Facial hair smoother.
- Condom replacement (not recommended, really).
- Aerobic present wrapping.
- Keep hair out of your face.
- Clever fanny pack.
The possibilities are endless, really. As the official marketing team for Melia’s Sex Tape, I encourage you all to share your thoughts on sex tape, so I can steal them and make millions.
I’ll even buy you lunch.
11:01 pm on June 30th, 2010
Here I go:
1. Sex swing, trapeze or chandelier…made the last one up but since we’re playing here…why not?
2. Penis enlargement or create statues. The club? Battle flail with spikes…hmmmm.
3. Bathing suit.
4. Lady Gaga costume
5. Finally, I give you Grandpa Ted. He really wasn’t my grandpa but my great uncle. The point is he used to “Grandpa Ted” the hell out of things with duct tape. He fixed electrical, plumbing, and construction problems with duct tape. He worked miracles.
If Grandpa Ted could do it, I say you can, too. I just want a percentage.
.-= Michelle Zive´s last blog ..Give Me Madonna Give Me the Good Ol’ Days =-.
[Reply]
Melia Reply:
July 4th, 2010 at 10:01 am
@Michelle Zive,
Have I told you lately that I love you?
[Reply]
2:29 pm on July 3rd, 2010
I use it to cover The Hubs mouth so I won’t have to hear any directions or objections he might be offering. His talking sometimes ruins it for me.
[Reply]
Melia Reply:
July 4th, 2010 at 10:04 am
@Ms Bitch,
When he speaks at the annoyance level, just bust out some really grungy dirty talk. Give him a reason to question what you really do when you’re out of the house.
[Reply]
7:41 pm on July 4th, 2010
And here I always associate taping children to walls and so forth with that tape. I’ll have to rethink it relating to sex…lol.
.-= Ruth Anne´s last blog ..The Unseen =-.
[Reply]
9:52 pm on July 7th, 2010
what on earth did i say :para:
sex tape: the tape that plays in the background when you finally want some
[Reply]