I know what you’re all thinking, that the video evidence of a very drinky night has finally surfaced, and Melia is going to be more than Internet Famous now. You’re over on YouTube typing obscure phrases like, “Melia Lore sucks a mustard bottle,” or “where did Melia put that burrito?”
Why did both of those involve food?
No, I’m here to talk about sex tape. That not-yet-invented (in my head, at least) product that will make your sex life more interesting, even if your sex life consists of you and a battery operated friend, conveniently named (yes) BOB.
Uses for Melia’s Sex Tape:
- Hoist those boobs to new heights!
- Cover up areas that you do not want penetrated.
- Bondage, duh.
- Mildly painful nipple play (note to self: add different adhesive strengths).
- Strap a wallet, batteries, lube, cuffs, feathers or snacks to your body (thanks, Scarly!)
- Cover up tattoos of ex-lover’s names.
- Facial hair smoother.
- Condom replacement (not recommended, really).
- Aerobic present wrapping.
- Keep hair out of your face.
- Clever fanny pack.
The possibilities are endless, really. As the official marketing team for Melia’s Sex Tape, I encourage you all to share your thoughts on sex tape, so I can steal them and make millions.
I’ll even buy you lunch.