As in any good relationship that has gone on for five years (give or take), a good friend will call you days after an obscure blog reference to chit chat about what your random muse of that day was (in between screaming, “BUT THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE LINES!” as she sweats to death in her car, stuck in traffic behind one of those trucks that Max sells to paint lines on pavement. See how my web weaves itself together?).

I have such a friend, who calls me to comment on my blog. I’m assuming its because she can’t type and drive (amateur!). She called the other day and we commiserated on our shared experiences with the Rabbit, and how its complexity was really just more than we could handle. She spoke of the animal totem dildo (was that right, or am I hallucinating again?) that was eventually beheaded. I sighed and said, “I wonder if anyone wants a used Rabbit.”

Then, the light bulb went off.

“I KNOW A COUPLE OF LESBIANS WHO WILL TOTALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR USED RABBIT!” she squealed.

“Really?” I asked, “Because I figured I was shit out of luck and planning a craft project around the vibrating wonder wand of wrongness.”

“YES! And, you can send it to them in the mail, and they won’t know who its from! They totally owe me because of [insert bizarre lesbian S&M porn/moving story that totally relates back to my hesitation to buy myself anymore toys]!” MJ proudly proclaimed amidst cackles of completely evil laughter and sun-induced insanity.

“Dude, that is AWESOME! I  am totally up for fucking with your friends by sending them a random, and used, sex toy! What’s their address?” I asked.

“This would make the best blog, no, SERIES of blogs!” MJ exclaims.

“It totally would!” I agreed.

(At this point, we were probably as close to being squealing pre-teens as we, well, I’ve been, in a long time. She’s a squealer, and I expect a phone call within 30 minutes of this being published to argue that fact.)

“So, you send it in the mail and tell them to find your site, and see if they can guess who ‘MJ’ is,” she plotted.

“This is sheer brilliance!” I cackled.

So, welcome to The Great Lesbian Rabbit Caper!

Some unassuming lesbian couple is about to receive their very own, used one time, “Beginner Rabbit” toy. Its pink, it has buttons, it vibrates and it is leaving my house tomorrow, when I can safely package it without being spied by the masses.

Its like a giveaway, only really, really wrong. Muahahahahahahaha.