I stopped smoking about six weeks ago. I started “stopping smoking” in September 2008, so it took me 15 months to go from smoking 1/2 pack a day to smoking none. I have the absolute worst addictive personality in the world – food (or starving myself), cigarettes, drinking, drugs, people, music, TV, the Internet, video games, driving, exercise (seriously)… you name it, and I can get hooked on it, or on them, or however you want to say it. I’m an addict. But, I quit smoking. I was just done. I’m lucky in the sense that once I make up my mind about something, I rarely change it. It may take me 15 months to get to that point, but I do get there, eventually. I’m just trying to be healthy, and I feel good (applause, please), but….
In the six weeks of not smoking, I cannot help but notice how much it feels like I’ve broken up with someone. Like that pesky person from the past who you can’t get out of your head with thoughts like, “What if you didn’t turn my stomach teeth brown and try to kill me? Would we have worked out? Will we ever be together again?” Its an unhealthy relationship, and I get that, but its still a weird “abuse me” void, and now I understand why people gain weight when they quit smoking. I understand why people jump into “rebound” relationships after they break up with a lover. There is just this void that won’t seem to ever go away, where the *addiction* once lived. I don’t even want a cigarette. I think about it, and while it would be nice (in theory), its over. Yet, the thought is still there. Its always there. Why must I love everything that is bad for me? GAAH!
Ahem.
I don’t want the addiction, but maybe I miss having the pack around. It was a good friend when I needed to chill or a reason to escape my madness. I knew that it was time to quit by the reaction my body began to have after I would smoke, and especially after I’d chain smoke socially. On the same vein, I decided it was also time to quit some of the Internet stuff I was doing, with that same icky, icky feeling of it just not being “good” for me anymore. 2010 is the year of the Quitter, at least for me. Leaving behind the bad, breathing in the good.
Annnnnd, I love this cover!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNB068IVWVI
11:28 am on February 11th, 2010
I am really proud of you. And so glad you quit.
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Melia Reply:
February 12th, 2010 at 11:41 am
Thanks, darlin’
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12:59 pm on February 11th, 2010
of course you’ve succeeded- you are amazing. i can’t wait to see what other things you conquer in 2010
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Melia Reply:
February 12th, 2010 at 11:41 am
I’m totally getting my nose pierced. Like, in 3 weeks
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1:51 pm on February 11th, 2010
I’m so excited for you because your health will be so positively improved. But, as an ex (and still occasional social) smoker, I totally relate to “break up” feeling. I still miss my smokes, 2 years later! Keep it up – and what else are you doing??
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Melia Reply:
February 12th, 2010 at 11:43 am
Conquering the world, of course!
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9:40 am on February 13th, 2010
Woot! You deed eet!
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Melia Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Yes, now we can make out and stuff. Just don’t eat meat prior to our next rendezvous.
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10:04 am on February 13th, 2010
Oh, I am sooo proud of you! You and your whole family will be healthier for this. You are one amazing woman:)
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6:16 pm on February 13th, 2010
Yeah!! Bout damn time.
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Melia Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Makin’ out with an alien. Hell yeah.
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10:16 am on February 14th, 2010
Congratulations my dear.
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Melia Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 9:44 am
Now I really have no reason not to come to Austin
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7:53 am on February 16th, 2010
Wow – tough… and I imagine the depressing winter isn’t helping much, huh?? Well, addiction sucks and you’re right that it’s like an abusive relationship like, “Wold we have worked out if you didn’t make my breath stink and turn my teeth yellow? Is there hope?”
Addictions as friends. I get it.
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Melia Reply:
February 16th, 2010 at 8:01 am
How’s your winter going? Love your blog!
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5:26 pm on April 3rd, 2010
Thanks for taking the time to write about this, I feel powerfully about it and love learning more on this issue. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more selective information? It is highly helpful for me.
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Melia Reply:
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:26 pm
Only if you can pluck three hairs from your bum and turn them into a frisbee.
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