Licking. Licking. Licking.

That’s what dog #2 did for four hours last night while I lay there, unable to sleep. I don’t know what she was doing, I don’t know what there could possibly be to lick for four hours since she doesn’t even have balls. I yelled at her. I  tossed a blanket over her. I threw her out of the dog bed, thinking that maybe there was some delicious doggie tidbit she couldn’t get enough of. She just kept licking, then she’d swallow. Lick. Lick. Lick. LicklicklicketylicketylicklickLICKswallow.

Kill. Me. Now.

What do I, an insomniac, think of when I cannot sleep and my dog is making earth-shattering licking noises five feet away?

Blogs. Time Management. Forums. Books. Reading. Sleep. Yoga. Belly dance. New tarot cards. Old friends. Facebook. Laundry. Bananas. Babysitters. Music. Dogs. Bananas. Smoothies. Websites. Twitter. Wellness instructors. Muffins. Boobs. Bras. Blogs. Valentine presents. Lentils.

Then, I,  the insomniac, checked my phone for Facebook or Twitter messages. At 2am, it would be nice to see a familiar face who isn’t licking her/himself. Hell, at 2am, if there was decent conversation, licking would be fine. I should have started licking myself, starting with my elbow. It could happen.

Once I finally gave up and went to sleep on the couch, I got three hours of blissful sleep. I somehow managed to wake up and in my haze, I forgot to unload the dishwasher or prepare the kids for school. I am on autopilot, which means the laptop is on and I’m blogging. In the midst of this bloggy haze, I received a very strange message, accompanied by a donation, from a stranger who mentioned being spanked.

I responded that spankings cost much more than $10.

Good morning to me.