Yes, NaBloPoMo, that’s what I did for the past four days. I was psychically blogging. I’m sure you all heard my snarky witticisms and astounding insights on life, children and feminism. Thanks for all of the psychic comments back, I love you all.

Ahem. Its Monday! That means its the weekend recap edition of MeliaLore.com! WOOHOO! In case you all hadn’t heard, last week was Thanksgiving, that holiday where I spend three days cooking for exactly 15 minutes of eating. This year’s menu challenge was NOT keeping all of the non-turkey dishes completely meatless, but was cooking without any onions – a feat that was accomplished beautifully, and completely in honor of my guests.

As a vegetarian pescetarian, I was extremely nervous about the turkey. In a feat of complete hypocrisy, I did my annual bird cooking, moment of angst, followed by several cups of “Mama’s Thanksgiving Wine.” I’m sure that my family’s tradition that I’ve probably made up, but whatever of drinking while cooking was not rooted in their hatred of the meat/poultry industry. Really, its probably rooted in that same thing that pushes everyone else to drink at 10am – family. Lucky for me, my family is far away, which gives me the other Thanksgiving tradition of inviting my friends over for the big meal, and then we just have fun without drama. JEEBUS, MARY AND JOSEPH!

My friend at Moves in Curves was gracious enough to come and stay the whole weekend with her twins. She helped cook, clean, and sat with me on the couch as we computed, watched movies and let the kids run through the house… usually clothed.  We even managed to sneak in a little Black Friday shopping, although unintentional, as we searched for open thrift stores and/or used forks. Have you seen these? They’re awesome, and I desperately NEED love them, and we were going to make some… but the ONE thrift store that was open was all out of forks. I blame the aliens. No forks for us. LeSigh.

I did manage to break a wine glass filled with mimosa OOOOPAH!. You can tell that you live online when there is broken glass all around your feet and you yell, “quick, grab the camera!” before you actually start to clean it up.

We also went into DC to the Natural History Museum, which was rad, food costs aside. On the way there, I couldn’t help but notice this man’s ass… because he insisted on standing next to me as I sat on the Metro, while there were other empty seats and plenty of other places to stand that would have eliminated my paranoia that he was going to let one rip, killing me instantly.

For the record, its difficult to take a pic of someone’s ass when they’re standing right next to you, especially if you don’t want them to know. In hindsight, I should not have cared if he knew, because then I could have had the following conversation:

*snaps pic*
Ass Man: Did you just take a picture of my ass? *Said in a “how YOU doin’?” voice*
Me: Yes, can you please get it out of my face? I’mma post this photo on FML if you’re not careful.
Ass Man: Here’s $5,000 for your trouble, ma’am. I’m sorry to have disturbed you.
Me: Don’t call me “ma’am.”
Ass Man: Here’s another $1,000. Namaste.
Me: Let that be a lesson to you, Ass Man. No one wants your ass in their face. Nobody. Not even people who like asses in their faces. Especially on a Metro, when your ass is at eye level. Thank god you didn’t try to keep your penis in my face. I speak for all the people *cue music* who are tired of sitting on public transportation with other people’s lower torsos shoved in their faces. If we wanted to have direct contact with asses, we would say so! *music swells* Be gone, Ass Man! Be gone! And, thanks for the punitive damage payment!

Six other Metro riders stand up and applaud, the other eight people stare at me, because they’re my family and/or friends and try not to encourage the delusions of grandeur.

I know there’s more, but my time is short and I’m giving up on NaBloPoMo, mostly because today is the last day. Never, ever again. Ever. NoNaBloPoMo.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HbGj8UDVsI&feature=related