I suppose there are milestones we all look forward to celebrating in our children’s lives. The first tooth, first birthday, first day of kindergarten… and, of course, the first detention.

My first detention was in fifth grade, when I let some boy (who I didn’t even like) borrow my violin for orchestra practice. He forgot his, and I wasn’t thinking about not having anything for me to use in class. Since I didn’t have an instrument, I didn’t go to orchestra. Technically, that’s also the first class I ever cut, even if unintentionally, and that’s why I got a detention…for being a humanitarian. Its the story of my life. Had I been a little less afraid of the world, or had some poster board to spare, I could have made protest signs about “the man” and held my own little rally. Instead, I sat inside for recess, which I hated anyway. Damn the man.

Yesterday, I got a call from the Dean of the sixth grade. I knew it was inevitable, but it still doesn’t stop the feeling of utter “why is my child such a dipshit?” Aside from just acting up, he was banging on the door and somehow ended up standing on his chair at the end of the class. The Dean said that Talker owned up to his behavior (that’s my boy) but that he was still in trouble. Oh, he was in trouble, all right. I’ve told him for two years that the first time I got “the call” he was going to wish detention lasted all day. Really, detention might also be a smart “cooling off” period for parents who are informed that their children are being, uh, less than perfect. I was PISSED.

I opted to pick him up after detention, because I wasn’t sure if he’d actually come home off of the bus. I’m a pretty scary MoFo when I want to be. He was told not to say a word until we were home, after Enigma went to his room to read (I’m all about respecting privacy, its my parental HIPAA). We talk and he explains to me what happened in the class. I tell him that his disrespectful behavior has no place in a classroom (because teachers have a hard enough job dealing with NCLB and all the other crap) and lay down his punishment. No screens (tv, computer, video games) for a week, extra chores and an apology letter to his teacher.

Then, in a moment of stellar parenting, I asked him why THIS was a good choice for detention, and not, say, protesting the cafeteria or at least doing something fun to deserve a detention. I’m disappointed that he got a detention, but I’m a little more disappointed that it wasn’t for anything good. At least he could have been standing on his chair, trying to lead a rebellion. Banging on the door in an attempt to free the masses from the constraints of the public school system. I mean, come on. Don’t give away your violin, bust it on the floor in protest!

Ok, not really. Violins are expensive musical instruments that deserve respect.

We shall overcome.