Due to my inability to stop looking at the deeper meaning in everything, I have dedicated today to being shallow, insensitive, and all about appearances.

1. Lady at preschool – you really should chat me up, because I’m awesome.

2. I actually don’t give a damn about you, but FFS, LiLo, what have you done to yourself? You look older than me and now I can’t have a crush on you, because it brings down my own point value.

3. I’m going to the Equality March on Sunday to score some chicks, regardless of whether my family is there or not.

4. Your stalking has become annoying again. It was cute, but really, I’m just not that into you. Buh-bye. Keep it up and I’ll post your IP address.

5. Yesterday, I looked damn hot in my horizontally-striped, cowl neck shirt.

6. Today, I’m totally rockin’ the SAHM look, but in yoga pants, because that’s how I roll.

7. Perfect people are ridiculous. I know that they’re actually one step away from smashing their heads through a window. Probably when drunk, because perfect people need to drink to be more… uh… perfect.

8. I’m all for a good drink (ARRR!) now and then, but perhaps too many drinks = LiLo face. Just sayin’

9. Really, I don’t care if you don’t have money right now. I’m pretty much done supporting your ass. Show me the money, bitch.

10. When your hair falls out, it means you’re bald. It doesn’t mean that you have a right to act like you’re dying. Get a fucking grip.

11. This is pretty therapeutic. OOps.

12. I had to turn down a date for a movie tomorrow night because of belly dance class, but I’m sure she’ll ask again. Hell, who wouldn’t want to see a Michael Moore movie with me? Since she asked, she’s paying for popcorn, too.

13. You people who aren’t answering my thoughtful polls suck. Its not like its freaking hard to click an answer. Seriously.

Oh, more to come…