Costco adventures. They’re almost like Walmart adventures, except that I don’t shop at Walmart unless absolutely necessary. I’m a Target girl, through and through, but with the amount of children in my house, I’ve begun to really appreciate the beauty of Costco.

Its the snacks, really. Today we even had edamame. Hell, you can’t beat that. Its like my own walking Bento Box, as I stroll down the aisles with a shopping cart built for twins. Costco is almost paradise, except when the crazy drunk men are there at 11am on a Thursday.

The girls and I were checking out the fine selection of Costco clothing when this man, who reminds me of my deceased, child-molesting uncle came up to us.

“Are you gyasghosdfafy?” he asked my girls and laughed.

The girls, sitting in the basket, leaned away from the man and looked at me with fear in their eyes.

“No? Maybe you’re agafasfsofy?” (he was slurring, mumbling or maybe speaking Uranusish)

The girls, visibly squicked, leaned further from the scary man and he took the hint (I thought) and walked by, chuckling to himself. Then, he stopped at the other side of the basket and said something about trying to guess their names and them not wanting anything to do with him.

“I don’t blame them,” I said

“Oh, hey, want to hear a joke?” he asked, oblivious to my look of disdain and my agreement with the girls’ opinion of him.

**silence, eyebrow cocked, evil glare ensuing**

“Blah blah blah pirates blah blah blah rowing blah blah blah water skiing,” he snorted.

Mind you, this man was in front of my basket, so I was pretty much blocked in at the Carter’s table of clothing. I was being held hostage. I’m all for a good pirate joke (ARRR!) from a perfect stranger, but WHAT THE FUCK? I just want some damn cheese and Cheerios. Get the hell out of my way and stop scaring my children, asswipe.

Finally, he leaves and the girls look at me like, “dude, that was some fucked up shit.”

“I know, I know. Let’s go find the cheese.”

That has nothing to do with the title of the blog, but it was noteworthy.