Let me first preface this by saying that its almost 7pm and I’m savoring a beer. I’ve not yet eaten dinner, lunch was “hummus-on-the-run” and I’m feeling just a little overwhelmed. Mostly because I totally forgot about Enigma’s school conference today, which I realized right  after a phone call from Talker’s History teacher.

Have I mentioned, yet, that The Husband is out of town? I may or may not have considered letting Talker go find magazines for his art project in The Husband’s office, because at least I could have snickered in my head as I was told Talker was expelled for bringing porn into school.

None of that matters, though, because I just got “booed” by an anonymous neighbor who clearly knew my need for tootsie rolls, candy corn and a whoopie cushion. Screw blogging, I’m going to have some “alone time.”

Ahem. Its time for Cheese Straws! Those marvelous, floury, cheesy fall delights that are perfect with hummus, filty martinis and just life itself. There is nothing better, unless its blogging about the process of making the aforementioned savory snack.

The setup… no tofu was harmed in the making of these cheese straws.  I actually made “tofu bites” at the same time, but I don’t feel like blogging about them (so there). Someday, though, I may show the world my special way of pressing tofu. I’m sure to get plenty of head-shaking disbelief and people disowning my blog.

I cut the cheese!

Cheese straw dough ready to go

About two years ago, I went into mass production of cheese straws, for my own personal use (gifts, etc.). I even thought I could start selling them, because who doesn’t want gourmet cheese straws? Well, probably the people who can just buy cheese straws at the grocery store for much less than I would charge, but they’re beside the point. That whole “cheese straw maverick” idea (sorry, Linn, I had to) is actually how I came up with my Garlic & Sesame recipe. I like to experiment (read into that what you will, pervs).  There were others: avocado and cheddar (oh my god, they were green and floppy) and Jack cheese with sun-dried tomatoes (they were pink… and floppy).  Without a doubt, the garlic & sesame remain my favorites… probably because they actually bake into “straws.”

It was during this binge phase that I actually broke my cookie press. You see, according to Grandma, you need a cookie press for cheese straws (she had the original recipe, after all) and so, I bought one. And, it broke, because the dough is really thick. Plus, my hand was threatening to sue me for false imprisonment, and I need that hand for other… uh, important things. Whoopeeee!!

Meanwhile, back in the present…  Since I tend to cook (clean, shower, sleep, eat, drive, etc.) with the laptop open, I received a message from a boy I went to elementary school with, while concocting my straws.  The Boy is officially my oldest friend, because he knew me before I had real boobs (I was chubby, so what?) and was actually the first boy to feel up those boobs, in this weird hallway walk where he had to tell me he just felt me up.  The Boy is now married, with kids, so fear not, the chat was entirely platonic, except for a .5 second mention of the last time we saw each other… huh huh. Ahh, to be 20 again… sigh.

Ahem. While chatting with The Boy I was tofu biting and cheese strawing to my little heart’s content.

Wanna see? Look, tofu bites!

Look, Grandma, no cookie press!

In the oven. Awwww yeah.

Then, I took a pic of myself. Blind, I continued to cook.
(Note to self: if you are blind, do not continue to cook)

Then, miraculously, the cheese straws were done and magically transported into a freezable container (because, they can be frozen and then thawed in six weeks for teacher gifts).

About this time, after being asked a few questions by The Boy (he started it by saying they were personal questions, but they really weren’t) I decided to ask him a personal question. I mean, after not speaking for 12 years, and then a three hour chat (which was probably a total of like 10 minutes of actual typing time, the rest was long pauses where we tried to think of things to say to each other and/or were actually doing other things) it seemed appropriate to dig into his brain.

Sometimes, it just takes a simple, “why are you online as much as I am?” to truly make someone speechless… never to be heard from again. I’m trying to convince myself that I’m just one of those characters in the movies who gets the stuffy man/woman to loosen up by asking thought-provoking questions… but really, I’m probably just pissing people off. He’s not spoken to me since. Another one bites the dust.

Eat a cheese straw.

Ponder wisdom of mentioning The Boy in blog.

Drink a filty martini.

The End.

Garlic & Sesame Cheese Straws

• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 4 cups shredded Cheddar cheese*
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 TBSP garlic powder
• 1 TBSP sesame seeds
• 1 teaspoon salt

Mix ingredients together, roll out dough until about 1/4″ and cut into strips or straws (1/2″ to 1/4″).

I use a pizza cutter, but whatever works.

Place on baking sheet (no need for butter or unstickables)

Bake in 400 degree preheated oven for 10-15 minutes

Savor. Because, really, cheese doesn’t get any better than this (unless you pair it with a filty martini).

*The sharper the cheese, the more garlic you may want to add