About two weeks ago, Russell A. Irving asked me to review his book, Improve Your Marriage: Don’t Overlook the Obvious. I was skeptical, because in my experience, many marriage “help” books put the burden of the relationship work on the “at home” person or encourage a woman to suck it up, so to speak, and fix the marriage by dressing sexier, putting out more, etc. Needless to say, I am not a fan of the genre.

A healthy skepticism
Is valid.
Yet, not all skepticisms
Are healthy.

Since Mr. Irving was brave enough to send me a book, I have spent the past week or so reading his book and spouting off its wisdom to The Husband at obscure times. Kind of in jest, but also because some of the snippets do ring true. Nothing in the book itself has been eye-opening, its a manual for how to treat the “significant other” in your life, and much of its advice can also be applied to relationships at work, with children and with close friends. Mr. Irving doesn’t preach “stay together at all costs” but tweaks the marriage vows we’ve all grown to know and love… for better or for worse.

Remember:
Love
Might be everlasting,
But,
Patience is not.

Some of the snippets I read deal with addiction, judgment, fighting, making up, sex, love, kissing, infidelity and more.

Many spouses
Who appear willing to tolerate
Chronic rejections,
Frequent abuse,
Little attention,
Almost no respect,
Or ridicule,
Are simply biding their time
And planning their ‘exit’ strategy.

Some were just what I have grown to expect from marriage “advice”

Is withholding physical intimacy
That much less of an act of betrayal
To the marital vows
Than having a sexual affair?

or

Whether your spouse
Cheats or withholds sex, longterm,
They are violating and demeaning
The marital vows.

(Long-term, committed relationships don’t equal open sex bars. )

While I cannot say I agree with everything in the book, I am impressed by the book and its quick, simple, to the point “Twitter” style. The book’s wisdom in that it will reach different people in different ways, and will continue to benefit them and their relationships as they evolve, mature or move on to find new love.

For the couple with little time, or for those who really enjoy random quotations, I highly recommend this book. Its not a substitute for couples’ counseling, but it can certainly help by giving each party a voice, a way to help express his or her dissatisfaction, or utter satisfaction, within a relationship. Use this book and take a few minutes to write a note to your significant other on their lunch napkin or the bathroom mirror. You can send them a text message or embroider a pillow. Get your thoughts and feelings out there and open up the channels of communication in your relationship.

If one or both of you
Require time to decompress after work,
Then carpooling together
Is not a good idea.

Just sayin’