A long, long time ago, I was a music education major with an emphasis on vocal music. I look back on it now and wonder what I was thinking. Really, I wasn’t all that great. I was a decent singer, but my love of music wasn’t a passion for music. I just liked to sing, and I still do. All hail Rock Band.

In the course of the three semesters I spent learning theory, history and pedagogy of music, we were required to perform at juried recitals. Oh, how I loved to perform, but oh, how I would get so nervous before stepping out onto the tiny stage in front of my peers. I would stumble over words or not hit the notes as well as I should. I had about six recitals during that time, five of which that were just “ok.” What was to be my final recital, however, was another story. I had a difficult opera song and aside from a misplaced breath, I nailed the song. It was beautiful and led to a gig as a singer in the jazz band… but I still did not get high marks from my professors. Maybe it was that one breath or maybe it was because by that time, the other performers had set the bar even higher, I’m not sure. I was devastated. I was not “good enough.” Its that feeling of not being “good enough” that is crippling. I gave up my music dreams, I gave up a part in a musical that year, too. I’m still kicking myself over that decision.

In the news, we are hearing all about a certain athlete with questionable genetics in terms of gender. This is a person, a human, who was born already outside of “the box.” This is also a person who is on a suicide watch over the amount of invasive media and public opinions regarding her genitalia and genetic makeup. She, sadly, is not “good enough” to be called a female, even if she has lived her entire life in that manner. I pause at even writing this blog, at being named part of the problem, too. That’s how far this has all gone.

I did not pay much attention to the headlines, until a friend called me to find out my opinion on the gender state of this woman and whether or not she should be allowed to compete. In those few moments on the phone, I had a lot of thoughts circulating in my head about genetics, gender, judgment and perception. My opinion, now, is pretty simple. Let her compete. She is using her “God-given” body to succeed, and honestly, there are few women who don’t do the same… some just wear revealing clothing to accentuate their “God-given” parts.

Gender identification isn’t as black and white as people would like to believe. There are genetics, psychology, sociology and religion involved in gender, among other, more obscure entities. Its the judgment of gender that really sets us up to fail. “Get some balls,” or “strap on a set” are commonly used terms to provide a backdrop of bravery, yet there are women without testicles who are some of the bravest humans I’ve ever met. On the other hand, when a woman is outspoken and determined, she is given the titles of “bitch,” or “dyke,” simply for strapping on a… (ugh). The terminology doesn’t add up.

Some women want men to understand and support them, insisting on ideals that call for a bit of (stereotypically-said) estrogen-induced behavior, yet men are “pussies” when they show emotion. Furthermore, the term, “pussy,” makes no sense as an insult unless its from a gay man. Otherwise, its a compliment. Iin fact, if you are a straight man calling another man a pussy, then you clearly have some sort of sexual interest in that man, bearing in mind that the stereotypical heterosexual man only wants to fuck a woman. Calling someone a pussy, if you are anything except a misogynist, isn’t an insult… is it?

I think the genetics issue is more about the American pride than about the gender of the person in question. Racism and sexism (and “you’re-not-a-white male-ism”) are very real concerns in our country, and finding a way to disqualify a black woman from another country must make people feel very good about themselves. She’s clearly not “good enough” because she can beat an American woman, or man, in a race. All of this debate and discourse over the state of her parts is nothing short of crippling her very being, the “self” she grew up knowing, and for what? A piece of history, a trinket of gold. What is the real ripple that this judgment is creating in the world?

For the record, I never should have been a music major. I love music, but I don’t love it enough to dissect it. That’s why I’m also not an English teacher (well, that and my sketchy grammar). Women, however, make me all warm and fuzzy when I get to dissect their thoughts and feelings. Its funny what 16 years can provide in terms of insight. When I explain that I’m all about women’s rights, getting my degree in Women’s Studies or anything pro-women/pro-choice/pro-equality, I get the eyebrow of “are you gay” or the flat out questioning of my own sexuality (because, yeah, that’s open for discussion, dickface). While I know I don’t feel the exact pain of the athlete, I can empathize to an extent. If my passion is for women, and the athlete’s passion is for running, then what is the harm in our bodies, our voices, straying from the “norm?”