Tie Dye Torture Cake: Its What’s for Dinner.
This week was The Talker’s 11th birthday and somehow, I ran across this recipe from Omnomicon for a rainbow cake. Well, rainbows are great, and fantastic for exactly the following Omnomicon reasons:
- A child’s birthday
- Your mom’s birthday
- Coming out to your conservative parents
- If you’re a lesbian, they’ll be thrilled that you won’t be forgoing your feminine kitchen duties.
- If you’re the kind of gay dude who makes cakes for your parents, they were probably on to you anyway.
- Coming out to your conservative parents on your mother’s birthday
- Your friend’s jam band CD release party
I just wanted to add one more reason to make this cake: 11 year old boys are emphatically against everything their parents think is cool, and while I did initially hear an “awesome!” from him, when he saw the cake, he later went back to his pre-emo state of being and continually mocked my HippyCake. All it takes is some dye, a dream and voila! Its torture!
So, in tribute to the original recipe/blog, I present: Melia’s Tie Dye Torture Cake!
I began my journey with two boxes of white cake mix, some powdered sugar, milk, no eggs or vanilla, and a dream. I professionally tie dye, and what better way to bring my dye skills to to my children than to load them up with ingestible dyes. Does red dye make kids hyper? You betcha!
Before I began, I had to run back to the store for eggs, and juice, and something else. What was that? Eh, it didn’t matter, I was ready to make cake history!
Yes, I forgot the vanilla for frosting. I decided to Scarlet O’Hara that little snafu and think about the vanilla tomorra, literally.
Let’s rock this cake!
(Please note, I tried for about an hour to center the photos and I give up. Just pretend they’re in the center of the blog, in an amazing display of WordPress glory. Thank you.)
See my mixer? I would possibly sell a child in order to keep Big Red around. We’re in love. You can also see my coffee maker. Its nothing special, but its like The Husband: Small, mechanical, and full of coffee grounds. Its my rock in those AM times of need.
Big Red, the ultimate mixer and my lovah
On the other side of Old Faithful: my morning reason for living, is the rest of the workspace.
- Unbelivably Buttered Pans
Having secured the eggs, and explained to The Husband that white cakes are only white if you don’t use egg yolks, I turned over the cake mix to Big Red. While gathering six cute, matching bowls (in my mind), I noticed that the batter was extremely thick. Too thick. Crap. Upon further consultation of the box, I realize that I had forgotten to add water. For the record, adding water to something really thick and turning on the mixer will enable the water to splash all over one’s kitchen. Lesson learned: be sure to mix all of the ingredients at the same time, or duck and cover until its all mixed again. I chose option 2. Cooking with Melia is not just tasty, its an adventure! (MONSTER SUGAR! AHHHH!)
Its Mixing! Its Mixing!!
Please note my cute, matching bowls, and the exact same gel food dye as Omnomicon used.
Separating the batter into the six cute, matching bowls was, um, really messy.
This was NOT on the original blog
The box of food coloring had a guide for mixing colors. I tried to dab the gel in, per those recommendations. Boring. For obnoxious colors, just squeeze the little tubes of dye until you’re satisfied. Hell, make it fun and just throw a whole tube in there, plastic and all!
With my tie dye experience, I know there is a definite formula to mixing colors efficiently. You always start with yellow, then move to orange and red, then purple, blue and green. That way, if there is a slight color blend, it doesn’t matter. Trust me on this, I’m a professional and stuff.
(I realize that some of the photos need to be rotated. I actually just like to imagine people are craning their necks to the left in absolute awe of my skillz.)
Um… oops.
The final batter, ready to go, displayed in all of its glory!
Instead of using the recommended measuring cup, I decided it would be more fun to just pour the batter. I’m just crazy like that. For the record, its really hard to pour batter and take a picture of said pouring.
The final design. They look like psychedelic eyeballs!!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!
It was after the pouring of the batter that my 11 year old discovered my master plan. I got an “awesome!” out of the deal. I’m taking that “awesome” to my grave. He can’t take it back; I heard it.
Neener. Neener. Neener.
They’re in the oven! Its martini time! Yes, I like them extra dirty, with a ton of olives. There’s nothing like drinking sweat in a glass. Also, I’d like to introduce you to my apron, courtesy of my grandmother who felt I needed a red bandana patterned apron. Yeehaw!! Also, Big Red is basking in her glory. She smoked a cigarette after she was done mixing. Hooooor.
Baked dyeball success (in the pans), part 1!
Baked dyeball success (out of the pans and nothing fell apart!!!!!!), part 2!
I shaved off the top of the bottom layer, so that the cake would be level. I’m a virgo, what can I say?
Crazy dyeball cake is watching you!!
Please take off that damn apron.
I didn’t use Omnomicon’s frosting recipe. I chose to use my not-intentionally-but-whatever-vanilla-free-powdered-sugar recipe, and when that didn’t work, I threw in a can of chocolate frosting I had laying around.
Its show time!
(Well, without the photos of people involved, but I assure you I was not alone. Scout’s Honor.)
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know!
As far as cakes go, this is the bestest cake ever. Totally worth the martinis I put into its creation, even if The Talker told his Optometrist I was making him a hippycake, like that’s a bad thing.
Thank you, once again, Omnomicon, for your inspiring blog and creative force. Thank you, Big Red, for being there for me when nobody else is. Thank you, Internet, for giving me a reason to make this, because without wanting to blog about this cake, I would have just bought him cupcakes.
Happy Birthday, Talker! Now go and clean your room.
Tags: cake, martini, melia has lost her mind, olives, tie dye, tie dye cake
April 19th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
absotutly fantabulous! Lynny’s bday is the 27th…how well do you think one of those ships?
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April 20th, 2009 at 1:19 am
I am amazed!! That looks fantastic!! And congratulations on the *awesome*.
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April 21st, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Yours looks way better than mine did. I did use eggs, and oil, being preternaturally disposed to using as much fat as possible. And I’d probably give a finger or two for Big Red.
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April 23rd, 2009 at 12:17 am
I’m going to have to try one of those! The girls’ most favorite thing is rainbows, and they think this is a rainbow cake. When I tried to explain tie dye to them I got blank stares, but rainbows are totally cool. That was pretty good to get that “awesome”!:)
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April 25th, 2009 at 10:33 am
[...] Melia Lore made a badass tie dye cake! [...]
April 25th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
[...] Melia Lore made a badass tie dye cake! [...]
April 27th, 2009 at 9:25 am
[...] Melia Lore made a badass tie dye cake! [...]
April 27th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
[...] Melia Lore made a badass tie dye cake! [...]
October 16th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
i loved reading your blog about this tie-dye cake!! i want to make one right now!! just thought i’d thank you for the 15 different times is started laughing my ass off at your unique way of telling your baking experience….thanks!! by the way my 11 yr old gave an “awesome” just looking at these pictures!!
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December 29th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to read right now…
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