Monthly Archives: April 2009

Passion

Passion

Its been a while since I wrote about my actual semester and not just the huge dangling essay that has been keeping me awake at night, literally. In between manic typing sessions, I have been continuing my reading on female mystics in religion. I started this semester wondering why female mystics were used for their skills, yet not able to lead within their various religious organizations. I’m still not sure of that, to be honest. I’ve read about countless mystics now, in Christianity, Judiasm and Islam and the one thing that all of those women share is their passion – for religion, for God, for a man, but mostly, they share their passion in themselves, so to speak.

This is the same passion I witnessed as my belly dance instructor talked about what belly dancing brought to her. Passion. Her eyes lit up, and you could see how she was energized just thinking about her art. Its also the same passion that I feel when I am able to explain to a woman why she is in the position she is in, when unhappy, and encourage her to change her own views of the world, to change her views of her life, of her self and to pass on her own lessons to others. (That, and database programming, but I realize that’s not nearly as exciting as women, unless you’re a geek, and this isn’t a geek blog, so go away.)

Some women find passion in art, in music, their children, in a man or another woman. Some find it in books or computers. The women I’ve read about were remarkable enough to have books written about them, they had something significant to share with the world, and they demonstrated that with true… passion. Those are the women, who believed so whole-heartedly in themselves and their beliefs, they would (and did!) give their lives to their passions. These women give us perspective into their lives in order to broaden our perspective of our own lives.

Sometimes, you have to fight for what you believe in, even if the people around you don’t understand or support your visions. You will not get applause, or even a pat on the back, but since passion rarely comes from the external, there’s no point in seeking adulation anywhere but from within. You know your dreams, your fantasies, what stops you from them? Is it something you can change? Then change it!

It is part of growth and maturity to fight for what you know is right, regardless of the outcome. When you fight, and fail, you at least know you tried. When you fight for one thing, it can lead to another, even greater prize. Its the journey, not the goal, that should fan the flames of one’s passion. If it doesn’t, then maybe its time to make a left turn, or even stop and sit on the side of the road for a while, and just think.

When was the last time you felt passionate about anything, and fought for something crazy?

Hooked!

Hooked!

One class was all it took. The ache in my back muscles, the twinge of pain in my abs when I laugh… its all worth it, so far. I’m happy to say that I want to be a belly dancer when I grow up. My teacher is adorable, so I’m sure that helps. She’s a geek. I love geeky girls :) What stood out to me most was the passion in her eyes as she talked about how dancing changed her own life. She’s in love with it, and it shows. It makes people want to learn.

Ok, really, I wrote that first part this morning. Its now afternoon and I. AM. SO. SORE. Holy crap. I’m supposed to go out tonight to work on my school stuff, and I don’t think I can leave the house. Maybe I should throw in my belly dance DVD and try to get moving again… or maybe I should drink a beer. I haven’t felt these muscles in a long, long time. Ouch.

I just have to get done with all of this school nonsense so that I have time to practice, and find property in the woods to host retreats with spirit circles, belly dancing, tattoos, martinis and fabulous people.

Cucumbers, Starbucks, Rock Band, Cheetos, Eyebrows and more!

Cucumbers, Starbucks, Rock Band, Cheetos, Eyebrows and more!

Have you ever had one of those weekends that just flies by, and its not until later that you can really reflect on the dizzy time spent with a group of women who just make your world go around, even if its kind of fuzzy.

Yeah, that was awesome. From the imaginary tequila shots and blur to follow, to the fabulous pedicures, to the spirit circle and finally back for more drinks, it was a fantastic weekend. I only panicked about not working/writing a few times, and I got to see sides of these women that I’ve not seen before. Peeling back the layers of their minds… its kind of like being a mad scientist, only no oozy gross stuff to clean up later.

I found a new/old animal (well, he found me!), a big white Bengal tiger named “Elvis.” I’ve known Elvis forever, he was with me during my childhood, and he’s resurfaced. He is amazing. I let go of more gunk. Bad gunk that was keeping me down, and I feel that this time, it worked. Its gone. Closure. Freedom. Happiness. Joy. Optimism. Belief.

Then cheesecake, because that’s what one does after letting go, they heal with dessert, and head home for martini therapy and more readings.

Lessons learned: 1) I am still quite capable of making a fool of myself when I have the right people around. My Virgo spidey senses don’t really enjoy that, but my Libra moon is just going with it, for now… 2) My friends are amazing… 3) Keeping 7 women on a schedule is an interesting experience that I plan to refine again, and again, and again… 4) I am in a good place, and nothing but good is coming to me. Elvis said so.

What’s new, pussycat?

What’s new, pussycat?

I am in the throes of writing the super essay. I’m so tired of writing about myself, its not funny.

Chapter 1: I’m a geek.
Chapter 2: I’m a geek with an online biz (or 20).
Chapter 3: I’m a female geek who picks other female’s brains… and then eats them.

I can’t wait to write my actual autobiography, where the computer world takes up a page, or maybe two pages, and the rest is about how fabulous I am offline. It will probably just be a haiku:

Girl, born in Chi-town
Socially inept, plugging on
Taco Nirvana.

Or, a limerick…

There once was a girl from the Nort(k)
She sang, but was really a dork.
Away from the screen
She rarely did preen
While her spoon magically sprouted a spork.

Maybe a 3 word statement:

Olive juice yum.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hmLuy4NlSM&feature=related