Let me first preface this blog by saying that its 8am on a Sunday and I’m avoiding writing an essay that is due tomorrow. So, in the spirit of procrastination, I went through my weekly e-mails and saw that a new female condom is being produced. That led me to the discovery that Nonoxynol-9 actually increases a woman’s risk for HIV, which of course pointed me directly to this article from Redbook:
Would You Be Happier in an Arranged Marriage?
Arranged marriages may sound unromantic, but the women who choose them can teach us a thing or two about how to be happy in love, says Reva Seth, author of First Comes Marriage. “Women in arranged marriages have a more realistic approach toward love and romance — which makes them better able to enjoy the person they’re with,” Seth says. Here, a few lessons to take to heart.
Find your inner strength.
“Women in arranged marriages don’t expect their husbands to fulfill all their emotional needs,” Seth explains. “They look to their spouse as a life partner, a companion, and a source of support — but not as their only provider of happiness.” Instead of relying on their husbands, these women know how to create their own happiness — and as a result, they don’t harbor resentment toward their husbands for not fulfilling the impossible.Focus on what you love about each other.
Because women go into arranged marriages knowing that they have to learn to love their spouse, they focus on his positive qualities and let go of the little things that don’t really matter. Instead of dwelling on Why didn’t he do that?, they look for what he did right. “It changes the whole relationship dynamic,” Seth says. “When you’re appreciative toward your spouse, he reciprocates.”Redefine romance.
Since arranged marriages don’t arise from traditional courtship, the women who enter them toss their expectations of traditional displays of romance (think fancy, candlelit dinners). They value little acts of love — like when he gives you the bigger half of the piece of cake — which can often be even more meaningful.
I supposed I should be outraged. I mean, there’s no paragraph about how marriage tends to put couples in the “obligatory sex” category and how that affects the woman, the man, the relationship, the community and the rest of the world. There’s also no paragraph about how since its an arranged marriage, each person should be allowed to seek “love” outside of the marriage.
I’m not outraged. I know that arranged marriages are quite common. I know that men still “order” brides and how that is a slippery slope into sexual slavery. I’m well aware of all of the implications of marriage, arranged or not. I guess I’m just a little shocked and annoyed that nobody took the opportunity to comment on that blog, and moreover, that Redbook actually thought it was a good idea to publish it.
10:15 pm on March 15th, 2009
Mom Blogs – Blogs for Moms…
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11:01 pm on March 17th, 2009
Modern “arranged” marriages are more like “facilitated” marriages in which families help scout for prospects; but both parties ultimately have the final decision. Other cultures view marriages as the joining of two families–which it really is (a lot of problems could be avoided in the west if people took a little time before they got married to really get to know the in-laws). Also, in other cultures where social dating is not common, young people (even in their 20′s and 30′s) are often at a loss and rely on their parents to help them make connections. Prospective marriage partners are “screened” by extended family, recommendations are made, making the process a little more logical than just tiptoeing through the tulips and reciting poetry. This might seem unromantic but anyone who is married for more than five years realizes that, while romance is important, it is absolutely NOT the most important part of maintaining a long, healthy, and successful marriage.
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2:21 am on March 22nd, 2009
[...] HippyMom gets in depth about the empowerment of Tarot, while Melia Lore explores the subject of arranged marriages. Grab A Cuppa Joe is startled to hear her own voice coming out of her son’s mouth. The Q [...]
7:54 pm on April 3rd, 2010
lol quite a few of the observations people put up are so silly, in many instances i ask myself if they even read the articles or reviews and threads before leaving your 2 cents or if perhaps they only just read the subject of the post and jot down the very first idea that pops into their brain. at any rate, it is really pleasurable to read through keen commentary every now and then compared to the exact same, old oppinion vomit that i oftentimes discover on the net i’m going to take up a couple of hands of zynga poker so long
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Melia Reply:
April 4th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Me too!
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12:02 pm on April 4th, 2010
Thanks for the post! I love it!
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Melia Reply:
April 4th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Not as much as I love your spam!
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10:26 pm on April 7th, 2010
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Melia Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 6:26 am
I’m only letting this one through because you used smilies. Twilight sucks.
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5:29 am on April 18th, 2010
Thank you so much for your blog…
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