February 14th, 2009 
Melia Who knew?
Planned Parenthood has generously given us the gift of condoms – in YouTube form.
Sit back and enjoy! Click here
CONDOMS! CONDOMS! CONDOMS!
Now, for the contest! I want to know an embarassing (funny, scary, weird, perverted, etc.) condom story – your first time buying condoms, using condoms, those demonstrations in school… anything that makes me laugh. I will accept entries to the contest through Feb 28, 2009 and then I will decide the winner!
What will you win?
A cute little sex kit with condoms, lubes, love dice, chocolate-flavored massage oil, and tattoos to mark your favorite kissable spots… or his… or hers… or theirs!
Just post your story in the comment area and check back for the winner to be announced!
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[...] Contest Giveaway! [...]
Dang it! I don’t have any embarrassing condom stories! :cry
I have a scary condom story…..It was a dark and stormy night (actually, I think it may have been a sunny afternoon) and I was getting it on with my man.
hyeah We were both enjoying ourselves mightily and making noises that were scaring small children (had any been nearby, and I can’t attest to the fact that there were NOT, although I do doubt it) until we both collapsed in a sweaty heap. Suddenly, my man said “Uh-oh”. (Cue scary music….don’t go in the basement!!!) Words you never want to hear when using a condom. He continued with even scarier words….”I thought that felt too good…”
The condom broke!!! Eeeeeeee!!!!!! Run! Run! Everyone knows that virgins live longer! Ack!!!
Being a college student, I was not ready to be a baby-mama. So, I called up my friendly Planned Parenthood, who instructed me in the art of making an emergency day-after pill from some leftover birth control pills I had (I don’t really know why exactly I wasn’t on them. Maybe I had skipped a day or two?).
Cue the really, really scary music! Don’t go in the basement! That flashlight doesn’t even work!
The next twelve hours were the most nauseating hours of my entire life. I declared that I would prefer being pregnant over going through that again, and swore to him that the next time the “condom broke” he better prepare to be broke himself!
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bellacotter, that was hilarious! Well, in a desensitized horror-movie loving sort of way…
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So, can it count in the contest, even though it’s not embarrassing? (flirty flirty)
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Of course!
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I think I will go opposite of Bella. I want to talk about when a condom does not break. Because sometimes you really, really wish one of those suckers WOULD indeed break.
Now, I know you may all have read that statement and been all kinds of WTH? Has she lost her mind? Is she the kind of unscrupulous woman that would wish for such a man trappin’, shotgun wedding inducing catastrophe?
Nope. Despite what you may have heard I do have a moral or two. I may be a bit of a crazy woman, at times even a loose woman, but a man tricker I am not. At least not in that capacity.
This is the story of the time that in 8th grade we found out that our local, and by local I mean we could walk there and back before our parents got home from work after school, planned parenthood gave out paper bags full of free condoms if you came in off the street and said you would like to have them. AWESOME. Once three or four of us had procured said paper bag, it became apparent that none of us really had a use for such a massive quantity of giggle inducers. Someone had the bright idea to fill one up with water, thus hatching the idea to have a water balloon fight. We called everyone within a get here in a half hour radius and filled buckets of deliciously colorful phallic jigglers. Once it was decided that it would be boys v. girls we took our places. Mock wieners flew. The street landers broke. But when they hit their fleshy targets, the slapped and did not burst. In essence we had hatched a dick slapping fiasco. Even better, when the boys noticed that when they were thrown shot put style they would WRAP around an arm, leg or neck we were all a bit choked. All in all it was…A BUST.
Moral of the story? There are two. One, those brandless PP condoms are pretty strong. Two, condoms are least likely to break when you would like it to. Remember that harlots!
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Sigh. I wish I had a good condom story.
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Me too. I don’t think I’ve ever used one… :para
Can I be the token entry??
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[...] Sex Kit Giveaway in honor of National Condom Week! [...]
[...] Melia is busting her ass to get rid of these condoms! [...]
[...] Melia is busting her ass to get rid of these condoms! [...]
Here’s my embarrassing condom story: I got pregnant because I was too stupid to put one on.
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If you need a Magnum, you need a Magnum. So I always carried condoms on me because ya know, if a girls gotta get hers, she better be prepared. Anyway, it’s the second date, we’re getting hot and heavy. I fish out the condom from my purse and he goes to put it on. It’s taking him a little while so I ask him what’s wrong. He’s standing there red in the face, holding his dick with the condom sorta on the tip and he’s like, “I can’t get it on.” So I laugh at him, thinking he was just being klutzy. “Take your time,” I say. He giggles and continues adamantly that he can’t get the condom on. “It’s just to big, my cock, it’s just to big.” We laugh hysterically until we pass out.
The next day, I bought Magnums and professed my love to him. Within the week, I’d moved in.
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I haven’t used a condom in almost 14 years…
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[...] And finally, y’all have only 5 days to post your condom stories for my fabulous sex cack kit. [...]
Eons ago I worked for the company that manufactured Gold Circle Coin condoms (anyone who’s seen Pretty Woman saw our one and only product placement ad when Julia Roberts holds one up while negotiating with Richard Gere). The packaging looked very similar to a gold coin – especially like a gold coin chocolate candy. Keep this in mind it comes back into play.
So the other side of this company manufactured medical gloves and we went to a bunch of trade shows. We used to bring the Gold Coin Condoms along and kept them out in a bowl in front of our booth. People constantly thought it was candy and it was a great ice breaker when we’d say “no, those are condoms’. ha ha very cute -but people always stayed and talked to us and it was a great gimick to get people interested in the gloves.
One show, this guy was going from booth to booth just collecting any free samples or food or both. Hewas grabbing stuff left and right and shoving anything edible in his mouth as he wandered from booth to booth. He grabbed a few of the coins and we just sat back and watched.
To this day I have no idea how he did this or how he didn’t notice right away, but he pinched the coin and put the condom up to his mouth to take a bite of what he thought was chocolate. He noticed that it wasn’t chocolate immediately and reacted by pulling his hand holding the coin away from his mouth. Unfortunately for him, he must have had a gap in his teeth or something because the top part of the condom stuck in his teeth and when he was pulling his hand away, it was unrolling until here’s this guy in the middle of a trade show with a completely unrolled condom hanging from his mouth.
Everyone in our booth and those around us were in hysterics and the guy was a great sport about it. He just pulled it off his teeth and looked back at us and said ‘Thank God it wasn’t lubricated!’
We used to get some doozies of customer complaint letters too but that’s another story! LOL
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[...] Its right here! [...]
[...] over to Melia Lore and enter this contest where you can win a fantastic condomlicious prize by posting a short story about your personal [...]
Thanks for infomation
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Melia Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 8:36 am
Thank you for appreciating such wisdom, Mr. Magnum.
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[...] completely forgot about this week, and I have nothing planned. I suck. But, please, read last year’s fun, because I like to live in the past. Maybe I’ll pull something out of my ass before the 21st. [...]