Many months ago, I was slapped in the face with some fairly disturbing news about my childhood. Like most survivors of childhood abuse, I chose to ignore what I knew and pretend it did not matter, until suddenly I was at a point where I had to examine certain behaviors I was exhibiting – for the future of my family, and for my own peace of mind. I had a pattern of behavior in relationships that I did not understand and it had to change. I had to change. So, I began therapy and now I am in a slightly better place, but with a long road still ahead of me.

But, this isn’t really about me.

During that time, I read a lot about the toll that abuse takes on women. I read about how loved ones are also “silent victims” of the abuse because they are the ones who have to live with erratic, abuse-induced behavior. I questioned the reasons behind marriage, the hatred of non-heterosexual people, the position single women are placed in when they try to make a life for themselves and their children, female role models, sociological stigmas, Greek Goddesses and so many other social and psychological issues that seemed to be related issues to abuse. I read like a fiend, because I had to understand how society could create an environment where a child could be so heinously abused and where that child was left when she became an adult. I went back to school, at first to get a writing degree, but it evolved into a degree in Women’s Studies. I had to know why I was put in such horrific circumstances, and how to change the world so the next girl or boy doesn’t have to experience abuse.

In society, its not just women who suffer. Don’t get me wrong, we are all suffering under the guise of the Patriarchy. Women and other minorities are not equals, and it will be a long road until we all reach equality. Yes, we’ve come a long way, but its not enough. Men suffer in their own way – the typical man who is a good guy, but is competing against the “bad boys” because that’s who abused women learn to love. It changes the playing field drastically, and I can almost understand why good guys are frustrated, and begin to be bad guys. Its just easier.

I’m not saying that all bad guys are just good guys in disguise. No, because that is a classic sign of an abused thinker. Maybe I just have not lost my faith that there are decent people out there – those who aren’t threatened by living a life where nobody gets seriously hurt.

The problem is this: we are still living in a time where women, children and animals are fair game for abuse. Its, literally, the Man keeping us down, and it affects everyone including men. It affects the mom with her own kids, or the teenage girl walking through the hallways of her high school. Men seemingly benefit, but in reality, they are unable to experience life as it should be – love is not about control and dominance, its about sharing and intimacy. No abused woman is going to feel safe enough for any sort of intimacy until the abuse is over and her healing is underway. It is a downward spiral and as much as we’ve progressed into a more aware society that the abuse IS happening, there is not much that is being done about it.

My answer is simple, in theory. Everyone needs to understand that “equality” does not mean that anybody’s rights will be taken from them. It means that when a black man, a white man, an Asian lesbian and a Muslim feminist are sitting on a bench and a Puerto Rican teenager comes by, they just have to scootch over a little bit and make room. Maybe the feminist can offer her lap… but the point is that there is room for everyone and there is no need for the violence that comes from being physically, spiritually and/or emotionally territorial. We all had to share our crayons in the past, and that’s a good lesson to remember.

Yes, I realize I’m asking a lot and that it will take a long time to get there, if ever. The journey doesn’t scare me, though. I am willing to do my part and make MY world a better place for my family, my friends and those around me. I believe fully in the “ripple effect.” If you look around, every woman who has a social club, blog, website or communal organization is doing her part as well, even if she doesn’t realize it. We are fighting back against the isolation of society and gaining strength in massive numbers… separately, but together. We are making it happen. Float on, my friends… float on.