The men who sell meat from their truck ring twice, and the local Zoning Administration knock on your door like they’re about to get SWAT on your ass.

Its becoming sort of a game now, trying to guess who is at my door. We’ve had 2 different Obama campaigners come by (“Yes, I’m voting for Barry, but my husband isn’t. I’m working on the kids, still”). I have a yard sign to pick up, and I can’t ever seem to make it to the Obama office.

The other day, there was a double ring at the door. I was on the phone with the husband at the time so he heard this all transpire. I open the door and hear “Hello, ma’am, I’m from *blah blah* company,” and as I look out the door, he has a large freezer strapped to the back of his pick-up truck with some sort of business stickers on the outside claiming to be selling fresh meat. So, I quickly cut him off with, “I’m a vegetarian, have a nice day!” and close the door. I then hear the husband on the phone crying “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

I think he wants meat.

A few days later, there is a POUNDING on my door. The sort of pounding that makes your hair stand on end. So, I open the door and hear “Ms. Lore?” I guess I looked at them strangely, so they both showed me their official plastic county badges.

“Yes, that’s me *insert paranoid look*”

“We’re with the zoning administration and were tipped off that you may have too many people living here.”

I kind of laughed and explained there were only 700 children and a husband living inside, and if they were willing to overlook the mess caused by school being out that day, they were welcome to come in and count my chickens. They declined and explained that they really weren’t sure of the address, whether it was my house or the house next door, and started asking me about my neighbors. I explained that I don’t have time to worry about the neighbors, because I have 700 children, but if they have any other questions, I’d gladly try to answer them. These are 4 bedroom houses, surely if anyone was REALLY going above and beyond any code, there would have to be people hanging out of windows and such, right?

What I should have done was offer them a kid so that I would be assured of being under the limit.