Yes, yes, I am. I took all of my kids shopping. We needed food, I needed to get out. They evidently needed new toys. That’s not what makes me evil, though. Evil would have been buying them toys and then giving them to the aliens who live in the closet under the stairs. Or, taping them to the ceiling. I might be able to go on and on about the ways I could be evil to the spawn.

Anyway, I was in the mens’ department of the local Target, rummaging through the clearance racks and saw a shirt that said, “She’s just a friend, honest”.

I immediately grabbed it. It was $2.50, how could I pass up that deal? Yes, my children can read. Yes, my husband would be less than thrilled, mostly because my children can read. But, what the hell? It would be funny. I would proudly wear it to school events and the grocery store. I’m a genius! People would not only be staring at my boobs, but then they’d wonder if I was serious… or maybe stupid. I would be the first Stepford bisexual mother who was PROUD to be wearing mens clothing!! Yes, oh yes, this was MY STATEMENT!

All of these thoughts start swimming around in my head, and I giggle at how funny I am. Then, I wake up and realize that its probably NOT a good idea, simply based on the fact that my kids can read.

Why did I ever teach them to read?!?

I put the shirt back… and then quickly texted my friend to tell her how clever I was. I’m just that cool. She told me not to get the shirt that said “I’m with stupid” either. She’s just no fun