This school year has been pretty tough in the Melia household. While I’ve been to just about every school meeting, physically (just smile and nod), my mind has continually been elsewhere. In an effort to make me feel bad about how uninvolved I’ve been in my child’s education because I’ve been selfishly preoccupied with my own education, my other kids, and the 7 million other things I’ve been juggling on my own,  I received a note home from Enigma’s special needs teacher that said something to the effect of:

Just wanted to remind you that there is another book report due on Friday. Last time, he didn’t turn one in and you admitted to me during my brutal cross-examination and waterboarding that you didn’t even know there was a book report, so I wanted to twist the knife a bit and ask if you had any questions about what was expected this time. You are a sucky mom, and we all know it.

Hmm, book report. That sounds vaguely familiar, but the joke is on you, lady, because I am fully aware of a book report that is due on Friday. HA HA! Too bad I can’t remember where I put the piece of paper that tells me what I’m supposed to do.

*30 minutes of panic as I search for the stupid purple paper that I swore was green, but whatever* and voila! Its a book report! Well, ok, its a book report that requires writing, a full-cover illustration and… wait for it…

a photo-documented, multi-sensory cooking experience!  WOOOOOT! Just throw the possibility of a good blog into any mundane exercise in life and I’m all a-twitter!  And, hell, its been a few months since I’ve really done a disastrous good cooking blog. Bring on the…. zucchini?

Crap. Zucchini. His book is about zucchini. What the hell can I send in to school that may be eaten, isn’t cold and greasy (mmmm, fried zucchini), and doesn’t involve Enigma’s brilliant initial idea of dipping zucchini in hot sauce that would secure my position as the most uninvolved mom on the planet? Zucchini bread! No, even better… CHOCOLATE Zucchini Bread! I am a genius even if I keep typing, “genious”!! Baking, zucchini AND chocolate! Let’s rock this bread, Enigma.

We start by gathering all of the necessary ingredients… and somehow (fucking zombies), I am completely without baking soda. Photo proparation comes to a screeching halt as we jump in the Tarty van and then battle baking soda-hoarding zombies in the grocery store. Chocolate zucchini bread has now become Zombie Zucchini Bread. PEW! PEW! PEW! (Yes, that was me, shooting zombies in Giant. I saved your ass, lady.)

Ok, so we get home, all ingredients are finally assembled for photo blog documentation.

A rare photo of The Enigma and his mortal enemy… green food.

If you’ve been paying any attention to my blog, you’d know that The Enigma using a food processor is an amazing, amazing deal, and I was really proud of him. He did it all by himself and didn’t run away screaming… the power of slashing green food into zombie shreds knows no bounds.

Enigma got all of the ingredients together and as he stirred in the chocolate chips, I noticed that Chocolate Zucchini Bread batter does, indeed, resemble zombie guts.

Don’t believe me? Look closer… (but not too close, because a zombie hand could reach out and rip your nose off.) (Trust me, I was lucky.)

Annnnnd, finally, after fighting the urge to stick my hand in the batter to really show off its zombie-ness (ahhhhh! I’ve been zombied!) and then chasing my children all over the house to “infect them,” we bake the bread. Enigma presents his finished product: mini-loaves of Zombie Zucchini Bread.

He even ate some of it and didn’t gag.

The moral of the story is that zombies bring people together in strange ways, even if their body parts eventually fall off.