Zombie Zucchini Bread!!

This school year has been pretty tough in the Melia household. While I’ve been to just about every school meeting, physically (just smile and nod), my mind has continually been elsewhere. In an effort to make me feel bad about how uninvolved I’ve been in my child’s education because I’ve been selfishly preoccupied with my own education, my other kids, and the 7 million other things I’ve been juggling on my own,  I received a note home from Enigma’s special needs teacher that said something to the effect of:

Just wanted to remind you that there is another book report due on Friday. Last time, he didn’t turn one in and you admitted to me during my brutal cross-examination and waterboarding that you didn’t even know there was a book report, so I wanted to twist the knife a bit and ask if you had any questions about what was expected this time. You are a sucky mom, and we all know it.

Hmm, book report. That sounds vaguely familiar, but the joke is on you, lady, because I am fully aware of a book report that is due on Friday. HA HA! Too bad I can’t remember where I put the piece of paper that tells me what I’m supposed to do.

*30 minutes of panic as I search for the stupid purple paper that I swore was green, but whatever* and voila! Its a book report! Well, ok, its a book report that requires writing, a full-cover illustration and… wait for it…

a photo-documented, multi-sensory cooking experience!  WOOOOOT! Just throw the possibility of a good blog into any mundane exercise in life and I’m all a-twitter!  And, hell, its been a few months since I’ve really done a disastrous good cooking blog. Bring on the…. zucchini?

Crap. Zucchini. His book is about zucchini. What the hell can I send in to school that may be eaten, isn’t cold and greasy (mmmm, fried zucchini), and doesn’t involve Enigma’s brilliant initial idea of dipping zucchini in hot sauce that would secure my position as the most uninvolved mom on the planet? Zucchini bread! No, even better… CHOCOLATE Zucchini Bread! I am a genius even if I keep typing, “genious”!! Baking, zucchini AND chocolate! Let’s rock this bread, Enigma.

We start by gathering all of the necessary ingredients… and somehow (fucking zombies), I am completely without baking soda. Photo proparation comes to a screeching halt as we jump in the Tarty van and then battle baking soda-hoarding zombies in the grocery store. Chocolate zucchini bread has now become Zombie Zucchini Bread. PEW! PEW! PEW! (Yes, that was me, shooting zombies in Giant. I saved your ass, lady.)

Ok, so we get home, all ingredients are finally assembled for photo blog documentation.

A rare photo of The Enigma and his mortal enemy… green food.

If you’ve been paying any attention to my blog, you’d know that The Enigma using a food processor is an amazing, amazing deal, and I was really proud of him. He did it all by himself and didn’t run away screaming… the power of slashing green food into zombie shreds knows no bounds.

Enigma got all of the ingredients together and as he stirred in the chocolate chips, I noticed that Chocolate Zucchini Bread batter does, indeed, resemble zombie guts.

Don’t believe me? Look closer… (but not too close, because a zombie hand could reach out and rip your nose off.) (Trust me, I was lucky.)

Annnnnd, finally, after fighting the urge to stick my hand in the batter to really show off its zombie-ness (ahhhhh! I’ve been zombied!) and then chasing my children all over the house to “infect them,” we bake the bread. Enigma presents his finished product: mini-loaves of Zombie Zucchini Bread.

He even ate some of it and didn’t gag.

The moral of the story is that zombies bring people together in strange ways, even if their body parts eventually fall off.

Tags: , , , , ,

March 11th, 2010 by Melia | 8 Comments »

Ahem.

I have one of the Web’s Best Mum Blogs. I have edited that sentence 6 million times. GAAH.

There is also talk of a radio interview.

And, on Thursday night, I’m dishin’ some tarot.

Toot toot!

P.S. I’m going to Salem, Mass at the end of March.

Tags: ,

March 8th, 2010 by Melia | 1 Comment »

So, Again, Monday is Upon Us…

I’ve begun writing. Its technically for school, but its the first fiction I’ve written since my mom passed almost 14 years ago. No, wait, its the second fiction, but the other one was for a smut contest and I only got about a paragraph into it before I got bored. So, I’m writing again, and like every other writer-wanna-be on the planet, I’m proclaiming that whatever it ends up will be the greatest piece of literature to ever hit the shelves… or my advisor’s inbox, but whatever. I’m also trying to figure out how to pitch articles to major publications in hopes that they’ll buy my random trains of thought.

Choo choo!

Speaking of “choo choo,” I’m all belly danced out at the moment, sitting in front of the computer in my lovely blue velour choli, handcrafted by the amazing Durrah. I’m also squeezing my butt cheeks. Yes, I said it. Squeezing my butt cheeks.

Over the weekend, I met “Tie Dye Boy” in all places… my front porch. It seems “Tie Dye Boy” is also “Pizza Man,” and I guess I looked at him weird because he got a little defensive until I explained that I am compelled to check out dyes (which he was wearing), leading us into a 10 minute conversation about tie dyeing and how he had to stop because he had a kid. He gave me his number in case I ever need emergency tie dye advice. Its good that someone has my back.

I also turned in a pretty lengthy piece of essay for my most recent assignment. I have been majorly stressing this term, for many reasons, but essentially, I knew that spring was coming and that I needed to be able to do things with my kids, and its really not easy to type up essays at the playground and not look like a complete dork. I do have limits as to how far I will carry my laptop (my SlackBerry is another story). 17 books in six weeks. I started back to school about a year and a half ago, each term with about 20 books to read (this is my fourth term, plus another huge essay) so I believe I’ve read  close to 100 books in 16 months. Something like that. Do I feel smarter? Perhaps. Do I ever think I’ll be able to read a book at a “normal” pace again and not flag it with dozens of post-it notes? Nope.

Am I excited to be ending this chapter of my life? Yeah, totally… and a wee bit petrified.

Saturday night, The Husband and I went on our annual date (anniversary, valentine’s day, his birthday) to dinner and I made him play pool with me. There was a cute waitress who admired my new amber necklace, and I guess that I smiled a bit too much at her, because I’ve yet to hear the end of my “girlfriend” at the bar. Then he asked me about this other girl who was surrounded by a group of guys (gay, bi or just slutty?). If The Husband is asking my opinion of women, then clearly my gay cup is overflowing, splashing all over the floor of the bar.

Le Sigh.

Anyhoodle, I’m off to resume mommy life and figure out what to do with my time since suddenly, I seem to have some again. I’m going waaaaaay back for the SOTW! Savor it, my friends… savor it.

Turning back… she just laughs…The boulevard is not that bad.

Tags: , , , ,

March 8th, 2010 by Melia | 6 Comments »

Hey Hippies!

Image courtesy of www.george-jacob.net/

FunkyBlueLovin’ imagines me and you, and you and me… no, wait, she’s just manifesting her perfect life.

Got Tribal? Nefertitties does, and now has a piece of paper to prove it. She also just turned 31, and desperately needs a party… with spankings!

Speaking of birthday parties, Scarlet Mae goes from peaceful beach retreat to preschool party central, in a matter of hours… with pepsi.

Signs, signs, everywhere are signs. Melia, are you listening?

HippyMom sucks, blows and gets dirty, with the help of a PervyBird.

MamaBirdie knows she’s never really alone.

Stumbling on a cure for her ills, Yums gets all tingly.

Tags: , , , ,

March 7th, 2010 by Melia | 3 Comments »

The Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions, 1848

Source: U.S. Dept. of State

The Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions was drafted by Elizabeth Cady Stanton for the women’s rights convention at Seneca Falls, New York in 1848. Based on the American Declaration of Independence, the Sentiments demanded equality with men before the law, in education and employment. Here, too, was the first pronouncement demanding that women be given the right to vote.

Sentiments

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one portion of the family of man to assume among the people of the earth a position different from that which they have hitherto occupied, but one to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes that impel them to such a course.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men and women are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these rights governments are instituted, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of those who suffer from it to refuse allegiance to it, and to insist upon the institution of a new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.

Read more »

Tags: , , , ,

March 5th, 2010 by Melia | 1 Comment »